It's a skinny hate fat people world!!!

Welcome one and all to my latest pity party!

I have no pictures.  I just have lots of words. 

I actually can't believe I'm blogging about this since very few people even know about what I'm wanting to write about.  I may not even post this, but I feel like if I write my thoughts down I will feel alot better.

Here goes........................

I am overweight.  I always have been.  I diet and I have lost tons of weight.  Keep it off a few years and then just pack it all back on.  Right now I'm in the pack it all back on stage.  I'm not happy about it at all.  I have very few clothes that even fit me.  I wear the same thing over and over.  Until it finally hit me right square in the face and this is how it happened!!!!

Josiah was complaining with a sore throat when I picked him up from school Monday afternoon.  He had strep quite a bit so I didn't waste anytime in getting him in to the dr's office just in case.  We left school and went straight to the doctor.  His doctor had already left for the day so they put us with a nurse practioner we have seen before.

They called Josiah's name and they checked  his weight and his temp and then I waited for the PA to come in.  The door opened and here came a man in a white coat that I had never seen before.  He never introduced himself.  He came in and just sat down and started writing in his notebook and thumbing through his ipad.  I figured he was a student doing clinicals of some sort because we have dealt with them before.  Not a problem.  At least I thought........

He started asking Josiah all kinds of questions about how he felt.  Then he started asking crazy questions and I was begining to think that something was dreadfully wrong with my child.  So I finally just blurted out, "They swabbed him for strep."  He give me a cold, stern look and said, "I know.  It was postitive."  So we been to the dr lots of times.  Give us the prescription, his sticker, and a sucker and let us go home.

That's when Mr. PA lit into me over Josiah's weight.  I know Josiah is overweight too.  He gained a few pounds over the summer and he could stand to lose some weight like the rest of us.  However, the way Mr. PA handled it was very unkind and unproffessional.

Mr. PA looked at me with disgust and began asking me about my own health.  Accussing questions, not at all that he was concerned.  I felt quite smug in answering him that no, I wasn't a diabetic and no, I don't have high blood pressure or high cholesterol, no I don't have a thyroid problem.  Seriously, Doc!  I have a meat, potato, and bread problem!!!

So after Mr. PA insulted me he went on to insult Maynard.  He asked Josiah how big was his Daddy.  Josiah didn't know what to say so he looked over at me.  I answered that he was 6ft 6 and over 300 lbs.  Mr. PA rolled his eyes and sputtered.  His words, "Oh, I get it.  So your raised into a big family so that's just how it's gonna be.  They're big and now you just have to be big because you were born into it."

By now, I am near tears and I want out of there, but I don't want Josiah to even get a hint that I'm upset or something is wrong with him because if Josiah started crying.......... Well, it may have got ugly!!!!

Mr. PA sat back down with his notebook and asked me what Josiah ate in a normal day.  I started with Josiah's breakfast.  He had 3 frozen pancakes.  Mr. PA about fell out of his chair.  3 pancakes?  He said, "Oh, let me guess.  Loaded in butter and extra syrup?"  Well, of course not!  We never put butter on our pancakes. Ha Ha
So I went on to tell him about his lunch and snack at school.
"What's he drink, POP?"  "No, sir he brings water with sugar free flavoring.  Pop is a treat around our house,"
Then he asks me what he eats for supper.
I explain that I try to cook supper every night for my family.
"What do you cook?"
"Ummm, just regular supper food."
"TELL ME WHAT YOU COOK FOR SUPPER?"
I began to name off supper food.  I mean duh!  Pot roast, chicken, spaghetti, meatloaf.  Supper!!!!

"How much tv does he watch?"  "We don't have a T.V. in our home." (Which completly shot his theory down!!!)

"You let him have access to food anytime he wants?"  "NO, sir he always has to ask permission."

So we have a few moments of silence as he continues to write in his notebook and thumb through his Ipad and I am biting my lip wishing to God I never brought him to the dr that day.

He finally looks up at me and says, "What's the plan.  What are you going to do about it?  Josiah has been sick so much because he is overweight.

Really?  Josiah has strep because he is a chunky kid?  Reeaally????

Mr. PA gets up and finally examines Josiah's throat.  Again, disgust.  "It's like craters back there!"  "I'll call him in an antibiotic."
WELL. GEEZ LOUIZE!  YOU THINK YOU COULD????

He turns to me and says, "I want to see him in one week.  You need to come back and have a daily log of what he eats and what his servings are.  If the serving size on the bag says, 1 pancake, you give him 1 pancake.  If the syrup says 1 tbs, you give him that.  Do you understand?  He pats Josiah on the shoulder and says, "Josiah, I hope to see you live to be an old man!"
He walks out the door and explains to the normal PA that I usually see that he gave us one week to come back.  By then I have Josiah's hand and we are making our way out of the building.  Do we want a sucker? NO!  A sticker? NO!  You want a receipt or a Dr's excuse? NO!!  I want the hoodikie out of this Dr's office before I become a blubbering mess.

I make it to our van and the tears flow.  I look over at Josiah and his eyes are filled with tears.  "Mommy, are you upset?"
One thing you will learn about me is that if I'm fighting not to cry and someone asks me what's wrong or if I'm upset, it's like opening the flood gates and that's all she wrote.
I tried not to let him know I was upset at the dr.  I just explained that our whole family was going to have to make some changes and that we needed to start eating healthier and watching our proportion sizes.

I stopped to get Josiah's medicines that Mr. PA said he was gonna call in.

I waited and waited, but he never called the medicine in and the drugstore was closing.

I go on home and meet Maynard outside.  We go inside to talk away from the kids and I unload.  If you have ever seen an ugly cry, buddy let me tell you.  I was in panic mode.  All I could say was, I got in trouble for Josiah's weight and What if they are calling social services on me.  I didn't even know who the man in the white coat realy was.  His name badge was turned backwards.  I mean I was wigging out.  Maynard was begging me to calm down before I passed out.  It was bad.  Really bad.  Of course, I couldn't write about everything that went on in that office, but that was most of it.

Maynard called our local hospital and asked if they could page Josiah's pediatrition because he really needed to talk to him.

Josiah's dr called us back in about 10 minutes.  Maynard briefly filled him in on what had happened at his office earlier that evening.  To beat it all, no medicine had even been called in for our sick child, the whole point in even going to the doctor.

The Dr. was astounded!  He explained that he was a new Practitioner in his office, but we didn't have to worry about seeing him anymore because by morning he wouldn't be working at his office.
He explained that he was Josiah's dr and Mr. PA had no right to demand us to do anything.  His job was to prescribe the correct medication for the sore throat and that was it.  He told us he would call the medicine in to CVS and I could go right then to get it so I could get enough doses in Josiah so that he wouldn't have to miss school the next day.

So I get to CVS and Josiah's insurance won't cover his medicine because he just had the same medicine 3 weeks prior.  Even though he had strep again, they wouldn't cover it.  So I had to fork over the money because I don't like strep and it scares me if they have it too long.

Ok!  So there you go.  I really needed to get it off my chest.  I am a basket case.  I have cried until I can't cry no more.

Was the PA right?
Sure, on most of it.
I"m not mad because he told me the truth.
I"m hurt because I felt like I was attacked and made to feel like I was such a disgusting person and raising such a disgusting child.
Josiah has been to the dr enough that if his weight was really that serious than I want his DR to ask us about it.  Help us and give us pointers to get healthier.
Not some new PA to come in and degrade us.
Oh, and while on the phone with the DR. it was his turn to sputter and get mad when we told him that his PA told us that Josiah had strep because he was "Heavy".

Because of our horrible day last week, something has snapped and I am back on the "lose the weight" again wagon.  Never again do I want to be looked at like Mr. PA looked at me.  It was the worst feeling ever.

Josiah has lost 2 lbs already this week.  I've cut down his proportions and he walks every evening with me.  I guess the only good thing about my week was that maybe it finally woke me up and got me to my senses even if it was degrading.

I still can't explain how I feel right now.  I am seriously walking around in a daze of hurt.  I am numb.  I need to get over this real soon and maybe time will help.  Nothing like being looked at like your disgusting and that your a bad parent all in one day!

Help me pray that my kids stay healthy.  I seriously don't want to show my face in the dr's office for a long, long time!!!!!!!!!!!!